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The Moments

Yes sometimes I feel happy but no it never goes away.

The times you see my happy and joyful it is because the pain and sadness is less, the rain has slowed. For a moment, I can breathe without my mind screaming and crying, telling me things that would drive anyone mad. For a moment I can smile without having to fake it and laugh without having to hold day a storm of tears that you will never see.

Just because I'm smiling and I mean it, does not mean my mind is clean. I am not better nor have my demons faded, they have just stopped clawing at my hope and faith for a second.

No, you can not make these moments happen because it fits your needs, because it makes you feel better. These moments happen anytime they wish but don't come when I need them too. These moments come and go as they please, never fixing the problem but covering it up.

Due to this, yes I fake it. I smile and nod and laugh even though my head is screaming for this to end, for the pain and sorrow to subside. I will sit and lie while my skin screams to bleed once more to feed the demons for a short while.

Now, don't ask me again why I want to leave because you can't understand, my demons scream so loud I can just feel death hovering over my shoulder like an old friend.

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