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I wish

I wish I could explain the thoughts I have. All of the screaming thought I have on a daily basis, almost like clockwork.

It is like my thoughts are slowly but surely trying to kill me, trying to take over and no matter how many times you tell me it will be okay, my thoughts stay. 

My thoughts have no rhythm or pattern, they do as they please and say what they wish. Yes, you can distract me sometimes but even on good days, they still come and go as they please.

I wish you could understand how hard it is for me to do normal things sometimes, how hard it is to exist let alone live. Sometimes, even I don't understand why but I do know no matter how hard you try, there is no running from your own mind.

For I can not explain my thoughts but if you sit in a room by yourself with no heat and have a tape playing all the things you have or said wrong, you may understand a little more.

One thing I know is there is no way you could last a day in my mind.

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